I love it when a woman submits by opening her heart AND her asshole.  I’ve extolled the virtues of vagina on countless pages and, as orifices go, it has no equal.  However, I approach each adventure with a new female as if it were my last and so I feel obligated to creep into every crevice, scour every slice, and kiss every crack.  Filthy behavior has been a lifelong passion; as a child I loved playing in the dirt… things haven’t changed much.
                My propensity for asshole activities has garnered a wealth of rectal experience well beyond that of most heterosexuals.  Discuss the topic with ordinary men and they’ll undoubtedly mention The Shocker.  “Two in the pink, one in the stink!” they’ll say whilst giggling like little Japanese school girls.  I’d imagine that this failed Shocker concept was dreamt up by some pathetic white guy with no neck because he deemed it a cool drunk hand signal to flash while discussing fantasy football with his frat brothers over a natty light.  He probably enjoys drinking from a red cup, he probably has a cursory understanding of female anatomy, and he has certainly NEVER attempted The Shocker on a woman.

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                Of course, I wasn’t always enlightened.  Once upon a drunken time, in a friend’s basement far far away, I experimented with The Shocker.  She was naked, soaking wet, and ready for the bang.  We were laying side-by-side and my right hand was busily pleasing her through expert clitoral stimulation… it was Shocker time!  The first problem, I quickly realized, is that The Shocker’s angle of attack is completely unsuitable from the typical fingering position (spread eagle with her back on the bed, you’re on your side, and your heads are sharing a pillow).  Without possessing a 6 foot arm with a triple jointed wrist, one can’t possibly execute the technique without repositioning.  So I repositioned.   Now I was kneeling to the right of her legs, facing her, and attempting to align a right handed shocker.  Failure again; I just couldn’t easily get to the asshole with my pinky since it’s the most flaccid of all the fingers.  Now I was frustrated and consequently more aggressive, so I used my left hand to raise her legs to the “knees on shoulders” position.  I could see the vagina, I could see the asshole, I had my fingers properly situated, I went for it, I was giving her the Shocker… but she wasn’t shocked.  This is when I discovered the fundamental flaw of this technique: there is nothing shocking about half a pinky.  The bent ring finger impedance prevented full depth penetration and the vaginal stimulation emphasized vertical as opposed to horizontal expansion.  I understood at that moment, with my very sad pinky in her very sad butthole, that The Shocker is total bullshit.
                Thus, out of the ashes of defeat was born a new beast… my own creation… the ultimate violation… The Inverted Shadow Puppet.

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                The Inverted Shadow Puppet utilizes the ring and middle fingers in the stink, the thumb in the pink, and the pinky and index fingers for stabilization/leverage.  It is anatomically correct and can be performed from a variety of angles - none of which require exceptionally long extremities or freakish wrist/elbow flexibility.  I usually begin with standard middle and ring finger blasting of the vagina, wait until the juices have dripped south to sufficiently lubricate the asshole, and then transition to The Puppet.  My Shadow Puppet’s personality is feral and bloodthirsty; once I’ve achieved full rectal/vaginal infiltration, I release him on the unsuspecting female by pinching, pulling, and “chewing” her insides.  If done correctly, one should eventually feel the comforting warmth of feces on their fingertips.
                The Inverted Shadow Puppet is a shitty gift - your woman will not enjoy it.  In fact, a successful rectum ravaging requires her reluctance since its very purpose revolves around your cathartic power - not her pleasure.  If you aim to delight her, then remain boorishly behind in her vagina.  But if you aim to test her obedience, if you aim to push the boundaries of your control, then look beyond the vagina and into the stormy abyss of her anus.  When I hear her piglet squeals and then softly stroke my slimy Shadow Puppet across her sweaty cheek, I know unequivocally that the indoctrination is complete… I have her right where I want her.

if you have a trouble viewing the image below, see it here at flickr.