My bed was a veritable torture device.  My room was a hellish prison.  A chilling sweat coated my grey skin and an aching chasm replaced my intestines.  I tossed and turned violently for hours… haunted by her presence half a world away.  I can’t recall exactly how or when I stumbled across the “Koop Island Blues” video above, but I know her hypnotic influence was traumatizing; never had a witnessed such horrifying beauty, never had I seen a woman like Mia Jacob.
                Earlier in the night I obtained her name and location via the youtube video description and subsequently executed all known internet stalking methods.  First I tried googling a variety of key word combinations: “mia Jacob”, “mia jacob paris”, “mia jacob france”, “mia jacob nude”.  To my great dismay, after searching dozens of pages and hundreds of hits, I could find no further information on this spectacular specimen.  Then I tried facebook… no success.  Finally I turned to myspace… VICTORY!  Her profile is public:  25, single, 93 friends.  I closely analyzed her musical tastes, read all her comments, examined the comments of her top friends, and checked the comments of any friend that seemed to be replying to a comment she had left.  From this investigation, I concluded the following:

• Lack of google hits and a low myspace friend count reveal she isn’t yet famous
• Her musical tastes, disdain for television, and outgoing comments indicate a rather refined taste in the arts
• She speaks English, French, and German.  This isn’t rare in Paris, but I surmise she is well educated

                 By this point my insatiable desire for Mia Jacob was maddening.  I scoured the “koop island blues” director’s website, I tried other search engines, I went back to google (”mia Jacob married”, “mia Jacob sex”, “mia Jacob porn”, “mia jacob trip usa”).  Ultimately, god saw fit to spare me a second holy helping… Mia Jacob in hooker boots, Mia Jacob in a cowboy hat, Mia Jacob draped sensually around a fur coat, Mia Jacob SPEAKING:

                 Mia Jacob.  Mia Jacob.  Her milky skin and toned body render even the grandest marble statues into superfluous stone slabs.   The unblemished neck of a contemporary Princess Antoinette.  I numbingly salivate at the idea of such delicious lips - practically engineered for deep, sloppy, kissing.  Feline features with a provocative grace to match.  I could endlessly observe her seductively sucking on a cigarette.  Sitting at a Les Deux Maggots Café perhaps, scrutinizing her every detail as she watches the tourists with disgust (in a way only possible by a pompous Parisian).  I’d imagine her silky, soft, snug Vagina was hand sewn in heaven by Barthelemy Thimonnier and that it smells faintly of freshly fried blueberry crepes.
                Who is this phantom?  Where is she from?  What does she enjoy?  The very notion that she is an unassuming citizen of Paris lends itself to her appeal.  It’s tormenting to consider that on some random night I could encounter such a woman.  Given her tastes, given her style… she has to be an Artist!  Imagine the two of us sipping Don Julio while she educates me on proper shading technique.  No, no, given the elegance of her movements… she’s got to be a Ballerina!  Imagine how she could entertain me and our children with a grande jete through the living room.  No, no, it can’t be that obvious… she must be a Mathematician!  Imagine us discussing Singularity Theory while slowly swaying on a hammock under a gorgeous Tulum sunset.  Yes, a mathematician; we could express our love as an unbounded function of time and kisses (L(t,k)).
                Ma chère Mia, I predict you will stumble upon this amorous adoration.  Everyone googles themselves periodically and I’m well aware of your minimal world wide web presence… you don’t want us to stay trapped on the internet, do you? Come to me, let me come to you, let’s cum together.  The Visa is out of the money clip and the Travelocity page is set: Reagan to Charles de Gaulle.  “Angelo and Mia Jacob De La Vega”, has humanity ever yielded such auditory bliss?  My proposition is simple and extends to you alone; help me put down the product, teach me to lay off the Goose, stop my wandering from bed to bed to bed, let’s delete this disgusting site together.   

                 Addendum:  Oh well, it was worth a try.  For the first five days after this was posted, it appeared on page one of ”mia Jacob” google search results.  I received dozens of hits from France during that period and so I thought maybe it would find its way to Mia.  Unfortunately, someone has requested its removal from google… so now it doesn’t appear at all. That’s a reasonably strong indication that she has rejected my companionship.  Woe is me-a!!!