Bluntly wounding a hoe is difficult and so, for a long time, I avoided it all costs.  Instead of cleanly exorcising a female annoyance from my life, I’d institute a painfully gradual pull out process.  Ultimately, I reasoned, she’d come to realize her feelings were several orders of magnitude more involved than my own and remove herself from the situation.  However, this was rarely the case; usually, much to my chagrin, she would pathetically loiter about my presence while clinging to the hope that I might one day “change”.  My juvenile inability to confront an emotionally invested woman resulted in a fleet of nagging quasi girlfriends - each fully equipped with their own set of dismal maintenance requirements. 
     Eventually I accepted the futility of the gradual pull out approach and developed another disastrous breakup style: Gentle Honest Hand.  With Gentle Honest Hand I’d tell them I wasn’t ready for anything serious, that I had “too much going on right now” (whatever that means), but that I’d always be there for them if they needed me.  The idea was to provide a soft landing and not to shatter their ego. It was essentially built on the same theoretical foundation as the gradual pull out - and thus was doomed to fail.
     An actual 2006 example of my Gentle Honest Hand over instant messenger (slightly edited):

• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: I’m worried that I’m hurting your feelings
• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: seriously
• SOME_SLUT: wha?
• SOME_SLUT: I don’t think you really care about feelings
• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: You’ve got me all wrong
• SOME_SLUT: how so
• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: We have fantastic chemistry as I’ve mentioned before, I really feel a connection with you. I really enjoy talking to you… and hanging out with you (although it probably seems like I just go there to have sex). But I don’t want to lead you on in any of the wrong ways… I’m just way laid back about all of this and I feel like maybe that’s not going over well with you.
• SOME_SLUT: what do you mean lead me on in any of the wrong ways?
• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: I have to be very careful with how I say this
• SOME_SLUT: I like bluntness
• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: Don’t get me wrong, I’m not out sleeping around… but I’m far from the boyfriend type also. I don’t know why, that’s just the way it’s been for years now. So it may look like I’m just coming over for sex - but thats not it all.
• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: I just don’t want to hurt you… and if you think hooking up in the future might lead to that, then we should stop. I’d like to continue being friends and I don’t want to be just another asshole
• SOME_SLUT: well I appreciate your honesty….I don’t think you are the boyfriend type, you have made that clear….I am just not used to this sort of thing because honestly I am not the type of girl that has casual relationships….it might seem that way with you….continuing to sleep with someone is pretty intimate…and I can’t be hurt anymore….
• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: So the ball is really in your court
• ANGELO_DELAVEGA: I’m glad we are talking about this
• SOME_SLUT: yess….mee 2…I am horrible with confrontation
• SOME_SLUT: I think I was highly skeptical from the beginning when you told me you just have “girls”, but don’t really date…but I think I enjoy ignoring all of those types of comments, and just waiting it out

     This conversation does no justice for the intelligence of this woman… unfortunately, despite my efforts, she didn’t know when to quit and it ended in an unnecessarily ugly cataclysm.
     Both the gradual pull out and my Gentle Honest Hand assumed that a girl would willingly recoil after accepting our grim predicament… WRONG  WRONG WRONG!!  These fucking stupid whores continued to pester me, continued to demand from me, and, most of all, continued to fan my disgust.  Some tried to tell me to put down the tequila and relax, others tried to tell me to put down my product and mature… HA!!  Plenty of time to relax and mature in the grave you sluts!!
     Naive women have forced out my compassionate nature and transformed me into a brutal bastard.   These masochistic whores bring it upon themselves by not readily acknowledging reality: I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.  Pain is nature’s warning, but these brainless cunts have chosen to ignore their body’s senses and to illogically devise rationales for my conduct.  It’s not that “He’s just not that into you” as the book states, it’s that “He wasn’t that into you and now, because you’re a fucking idiot, he absolutely despises you“. 
     Consequently, I’ve abandoned the gradual pull out and the Gentle Honest Hand… now I burn bridges.  Now I inform them of everything that’s wrong with them.  Now I fuck their friends.  Now I tell them amusing tales about the holes I’ve banged.  Now I inflict frigid pain simply to save them from embarrassing themselves.  Of course, there are residuals when upsetting a female: the daily insulting text messages, and the drunken malicious voicemails from their friends, and the absurd gossip, and the craigslist postings.  All these post-apocalyptic frivolous antics do nothing but stroke my ego.  Again, the pitiful hoe mind doesn’t realize that her concerted efforts at damaging me do nothing but prove how important I am to her… how deeply I hurt her… how strongly she still cares about me.  Dim-witted bitches are so quick to criticize me in an effort to save face, but they forget the indomitable truth: I didn’t want you, not the other way around.
     So I didn’t belligerently grope her friend in the middle of a crowded dance floor because of attraction.  And I didn’t have my Dirty Hand rammed down her friend’s skinny jeans because I thought I was going to get laid.   No, I did these things precisely because it was her friend.  When she angrily confronted me about it and slapped me and called me an asshole and spit in my face, I took it quietly, accepted my fate, and knew that in the end, finger blasting her friend was the best thing I could have done for her.

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